i am a future doctor! oh SNAP

hell yeah! i am a medical student, everyone! (sooo?)
yes, what do i mean? i AM a medical student so it means that i have to spend my time for years (and forever) to keep studying medical medical and medical.. I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR IN YEARS! oh please. i just realized it.. recently.
being a doctor is not easy for me, at all! God. suddenly i can imagine what my future kinda like be.. hospital, patients, drugs, examination, teamwork, blood, syringe! maaaaaaan. I AM NOT READY. uggh

i am so afraid and so challenged to be A PERFECT DOCTOR. a doctor whom my patients will come and trust their problem in me. i have to be a TRUSTWORTHY person. reliable... what a big responsibility fomme. it deals about life or death..

i am gonna spend 3.5 years in college and 1.5 years in clinical rotation.. and maybe 1 year KKN (kuliah kerja nyata) so uh uh uh

can i do this? can i be like what i want? can i reach my dream? can i be the best?
being a doctor is not only meet your patients, asking this, asking that, touching there, touching here, listening to them, talking to them.. OMYGOD! it's really a big big big big deal. confuseeeeeeeeed. rrggh. I HAVE TO DO THIS!

oh man.
i am going to be a doctor *_*

Current Song

i am currently addicted to this song
<3

"Almost"

[Verse 1]
Can you tell me
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate a love that's to late
And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 2]
I cannot believe I let you go
Or what I should say I should've grabbed you up and never let you go
I should've went out with you
I should've made you my boo boy
Yes that's one time I should've broke the rules
I should've went on a date
Should've found a way to escape
Should've turned a almost into
If it happened now its to late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real
And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 3]
(sometimes I wanna rub ya, some nights I wanna hug ya)
And you seem to be the perfect one for me
You (some nights I wanna touch ya but tonight I wanna love ya)
You're all that I ever wanted
And you're my everything yes its true
Boy its hard to be close to you
My love
I know it may sound crazy
But I'm in love with you

[Chorus]
I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there (sometimes I wanna rub ya)
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce (but tonight I wanna love ya)
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said its impossible to miss when you never had
Never, never almost had you (but tonight I wanna love ya)

Tamia's voice is so loveable. <3 <3
i've listened to this song over and over again. and i don't get bored. hihi. love!

i miss the 'butterfly effect' in my stomach. ;p

smell ya later
smooches!

- - -

helloooooooo people!
hey hey it's been a while since the last posting. quite busy and got nothing to write on. ;) yes, i am a bad blogger.

okay. now lets start with life. how's yours guys? best? better? or well? or maybe get worse? up and down in life is a must i think. life is a huge jet coaster. the feeling you get when the train goes up down up down, happens in your life too. the same happiness, anxiety, anger, sadness, curiosity, laughter also you got in life, and maybe more! whatever it is guys, try to accept it the way it is. just a simple grateful heart and a great effort of ignorance can make my gloomy days gone and here they come the brighter ones. hehe. i miss this kinda happy and peaceful things. sorry for others tho. it is a difficult decision but this is my life (selfish)

i went to Bali on my last holiday, with my fams. i <3 Bali. i <3 the weather. i <3 the sun. ah everything! i want to upload some of my photos there, but the internet connection sucks. uh oh. i've uploaded 'em in my facebook. check out the Randoms photo album :)

be wise, people. think, think, think, think again and again before you do something. get your best!

bunch of love
xoxo

nope. this one is rubbish

lagi begah!
i wish i could have another life, sometimes. yes. it is an idiot idea and very very ungrateful. but i don't know. it seems that people just get sucks more than ever. pathetic.

oh yea anywaaaaay. you dude.. please, just go and get your own life. you haunt me, understand? please, watch your step!
geeeeez.

i want to kill somebody.
lama kelamaan gue bisa jadi apatis kalo gini caranya. save me please, anyone?



*dear Lord, forgive me..*

aku dan si manusia itu

Ini aku. Manusia. Ya, ini yang kulakukan, meringkuk sendirian di pojok kehidupan. Gelap dan sendiri, hanya itu yang bisa menghampiriku setiap saat. Siang dan malamku tak ada beda. Sama-sama menawarkan warna yang sama, hitam.
Entah mengapa saat ini bulu kudukku meremang. Sesuatu mengusikku. Tak tau apa, tapi aku mendengar hentakan langkah. Setapak demi setapak di kejauhan, samar memang, tapi dalam kesunyian ini, suara itu jelas menggelitik telingaku. Aku bergerak… akhirnya,setelah sekian lama. Berusaha berdiri dan membuka semua inderaku, tangan dan kakiku tanpa sadar membentuk kuda-kuda. Siapa tahu itu makhluk jahat yang ingin melukaiku
Di ujung jalan, aku melihatnya, sosok dan posturnya mirip denganku, berarti ia bukan hewan buas. Dan manusia lain ini membawa cahaya di tangannya. Mataku silau, tapi aku berusaha mempertajam penglihatan gelapku ini, mencoba menganalisa apa yang mau dilakukan manusia itu.
Si manusia lain ini sepertinya tidak takut denganku. Buktinya, dia terus saja berjalan ke arahku tanpa ragu. Atau memang dia tidak melihatku? Jarak semakin terpangkas dan berhentilah dia di depanku, sekitar 3 atau 4 kaki. Mataku tetap tidak berpindah dari matanya. Tetap menggali, menyelidik. Rautku jelas tidak berubah, waspada selagi di satu sisi keangkuhanku tak juga pudar. Daguku terangkat naik, begitupun sebelah alisku.
dia tetap di tempat. Tak mau bergerak dan tak juga bicara.
Tapi dia kemudian melengkungkan bibirnya.. dia tersenyum. Lalu mengulurkan tangannya, membagi cahaya yang ada di genggamnya untuk kubawa.
Aku terheran dan takjub. Aku kaku, tak bisa berkata, apalagi bertingkah.

Masih dengan senyumnya, dan cahayanya yang kini juga kumiliki di tangan kiriku, ia mengajakku pergi. Keluar dari sudut yang kutinggali selama ini. Dibawanya aku melintasi lorong-lorong yang tak pernah kulihat sebelumnya.
Semakin lama, langkah kami semakin cepat. Kami berlari. Ya, lari. Akhirnya kakiku bergerak juga. Kami terus berlari. Dunia seolah ikut berlari, warna hitam di lorong yang panjang ini perlahan memudar, diganti terang.
Merah.. kuning.. hijau.. biru.. ah entah apalagi yang dia sebutkan tentang yang aku lihat ini,aku tak ingat. Euphoria kebahagiaan ku karena keajaiban ini masih membumbung tinggi. Hatiku membuncah oleh kegirangan. Bibir ini tak henti merekahkan senyum.
Kini tak hanya warna, makhluk lain perlahan juga mengikuti kami berlari. Ke kanan, ke kiri, kami mengitari lorong-lorong yang seolah seperti pipa tak berujung. Lelahku tertutupi ceriaku

Sayangnya, fisikku tak sejalan dengan hatiku. Sudah lama aku berkelana, konsentrasiku memudar. Jalan tak lagi kuperhatikan dan tak kulihat apa yang menghadangku. Aku terlambat menyadarinya, lubang di depanku tak terelakkan lagi. Aku terperosok, tak dalam memang, tapi cukup untuk membangunkanku dari ‘mimpi indahku’. Lubang ini gelap, hitam, tanpa warna, dan berselimut aura kesedihan.
Aku panik, bingung, gelisah. Ketakutan akan kegelapan mendatangiku dan membuatku bergidik. Sudah cukup aku bergaul denga kehampaan.
Tapi ia datang lagi, si manusia itu. Menolongku lagi. Menarikku lagi. Membawaku lagi. Di sini lagi, di warna ini. Keceriaan yang sama ia tawarkan. Kerenyahan yang sama ia beri. Aku gembira. Takutku terkikis diganti tawa.

Aku sadar. Inilah hidupku yang baru. Tak ada lagi sendu, hanya sukacita karena aku bersamanya, dia yang memberkan semuanya ini padaku. Semua tawa, canda, riang, senang, cita, angan, mimpi dan harapan. Karena itu aku menyebutnya SAHABAT